“All things real in a world of make believe”
I spent my 20th year suppressing who I was... I was dating a guy who influenced my perceptions of reality. I thought it was wrong to wear a bikini, clothes that were ‘suggestive’, that tattoos were ‘trashy‘ and not to make a ‘fuss’. My own personality was contained and my life was in a consistent state of vulnerability.
I gave that person power over who I was. To define me. Out of fear and the vacancy of not knowing who I was. A fear of being alone, unloved and unaccepted by others. A life of apologising for everything and anything to avoid confrontation. For the second time in my life I was unsafe, both mentally and physically, but this time I blamed myself for the reoccurring twist of fate.
My self love was clouded and confused from mixed signals, a wild child confined by her own beliefs; adapted from a person who’s ideals came from fear. Fear of me knowing who I am. Realising I am better. Knowing my power. The presence I held.
Each year in my 20’s was a step closer to finding and embracing my true self... uncensored by others, more alive and awake. Not limited by age, right or wrong, or fear of being judged and misunderstood.
Now, I’m spending my 30th year proud of who I am... with a person who embraces all, and inspires me to be better. My reality is defined by my own mindset, what I wear is for me... self expression, and my body is becoming my story - my personal work of art. I still apologise ten times a day, I’m not perfect in any sense, but the unjust twists of fate only made me stronger and I have never felt more ALIVE.